(I purchased this book.)
Vampyres don’t exist. They absolutely do not exist.
At least I didn’t think they did ‘til I tried to quit smoking and ended up Undead. Who in the hell did I screw over in a former life that my getting healthy equates with dead?
Now I’m a Vampyre. Yes, we exist whether we want to or not. However, I have to admit, the perks aren’t bad. My girls no longer jiggle, my ass is higher than a kite and the latest Prada keeps finding its way to my wardrobe. On the downside, I’m stuck with an obscenely profane Guardian Angel who looks like Oprah and a Fairy Fighting Coach who’s teaching me to annihilate like the Terminator.
To complicate matters, my libido has increased to Vampyric proportions and my attraction to a hotter than Satan’s underpants killer rogue Vampyre is not only dangerous . . . it’s possibly deadly. For real dead. Permanent death isn’t on my agenda. Avoiding him is my only option. Of course, since he thinks I’m his, it’s easier said than done. Like THAT’S not enough to deal with, all the other Vampyres think I’m some sort of Chosen One.
Holy Hell, if I’m in charge of saving an entire race of blood suckers, the Undead are in for one hell of a ride.
From the delightfully warped and foul-mouthed mind of author Robyn Peterman comes Fashionably Dead , a fun, paranormal romance tale that introduces my new imaginary BFF Astrid. Astrid is a gorgeous, art-teaching, rather aimless, single gal with an unholy love of Prada and a mouth that would make a sailor blush. She's never known her father, and her mother is a stone-cold bitch who can't stand the sight of her daughter. After Astrid is changed into a Vampyre, she meets her bombastic guardian angel, Pam, who affectionately yells at Astrid, preferring to call her by some really creative Ass-word monikers. Throw in a 2,000 year old Fairy Warrior, her not-quite-human best friend Gemma, and a Vampyre hierarchy right there in Kentucky, and you've got the setting for one rollicking, rowdy romp.
Astrid is mouthy, funny and trying to figure out her life being Undead. Her new family makeup of best friend, guardian angel and fairy is soon joined by strange little ceiling monsters, and Astrid soaks in all the love she has missed since her Nana died, just as she learns that she's the Chosen One and intended eternal mate of a smoking-hot Vampyre Prince. But before she can take care of THAT business, Astrid still has to show up at the senior center to teach her art class to horny senior citizens, deal with her nasty mother who has informed Astrid that she's dying this coming Friday, and figure out how to identify and avoid Rogue Vampyres.
It was laugh-out-loud snickering funny, super-hot and sexy, and I even teared up a bit when Astrid tried to come to terms with her desperate need to please her hateful mother. All in all a wonderful escape!
But Fashionably Dead at Amazon.
Check out Robyn Peterman's page on Goodreads.
Robyn Peterman's website.
Join Robyn on Facebook.